Pathways to Enlightenment...HA total bs.

Not a clue.

2006-08-01T13:20:00.000-04:00

Today Grasshoppers, I think I will just rant and ramble. So, ahead of time, I'm sorry if you make no sense of what I am writing.

I haven't a clue what to think anymore. I hate to admit it, but I still have feelings for him, it's ridiculous, I know. I'm so confused of what to think and what not to think. He shouldn't have told me what he did, it sent my mind flying after he did. Maybe it is he who is ridiculous and not me! Ugh, I hate this feeling I can't shake anymore, I can't stop thinking about what he said. Maybe it was all a charade to play with my mind? Perhaps it was, but it is so hard to read one when it is only the words they say is how you communicate with them. Usually I would be able to read him, but I can't now, it's just too unpredictible, too mysterious and my thoughts are clouded since our last talk so I can't really read him.
I thought I knew but I really don't...Maybe I'm just more naive than I thought, I'm being pathetic...

Je suis tres pathetique, non?
Je ne suis pas une raison d'etre...no more.
Perhaps I do, but I can't find it...

Rawr...this is stupid.

Realizations

2006-07-27T11:11:00.000-04:00

Hullo Grasshoppers.

I've been doing some thinking and I've come to the realization that sex is going to hurt the first time...for me at least. Being asian and going to chatrooms a couple times I have been harassed like the many other girls out there. I learned that apparently asians are more 'tight' down south. Well...I was thinking and that's not necessarily true, I don't think. All girls are all different obviously, but really, the 'tightness' depends on how big or small your body's frame is. So generally, the smaller you are the more 'tight' you'll be, not saying that if you're big you wont be tight. If your frame is bigger then you will be 'tight' but it also depends on the times you've been engaged in sexual intercourse. Obviously if one has been engaged more times than others then they won't be as tight because they've had been penetrated quite a few times.

But I'm kind of concerned...sex will hurt, for me anyway as I said before. Now that I think about it I'm not sure, but for some reason I think I might actually be afraid or something...

Neglect

2006-07-22T21:20:00.000-04:00

Dear Grasshoppers,
I, Kyoko, am sincerly sorry for not posting for quite some time. You see dear Grasshoppers, I've been quite busy.
Anywhoo...Exams went alright. Then summer began, summer summer summer. Happy summer days are hereeee~
Mostly spent my time with friends, but mostly teh bf, Xtreme. Yeahh...He asked me out x3...

Anyway, I will post more when I find something completely invigorating enough to post about.
And going to see Lady in the Water with Suteki, Pedra, Mary, Meny, Xtreme and a couple others. (=

And...
Suteki I challenge you to a poser DDR match! O=<
(Poser DDR being ITG...)

<3>

.//edit
Ps....My Yearbook died...sort of. It got filled, people had to start writing on other people's faces XD
and Xtreme still hasn't signed it yet >_>

.//last day

2006-06-16T16:20:00.000-04:00

MCR (my mcr obsessed friend) STILL has my year book.
she STILL has to sign it.
DAMNIT you! -shakes fist- if you are reading this, WTH are you doing reading this!? write and hurry cos more people have to sign it O=<
rawr.

anyway. thaaaankyou to my twin SDC (no, not literal twin) for writing me the novel (= definately more rendez-vous-ing in Toronto to come <3

By the way. I found this...it is truly amazing XD
A Domo-Kun army -nod nod- thaaat's right! XD

Issues, solved.

2006-06-09T19:33:00.000-04:00

Frappy is lost. As was I. But that's over now. Issues are solved, dilema is deminished, which is good (=
Lucky me, Tash told Xtreme that I liked him...which I do. But the weird thing is, Xtreme is Frappy's best friend. So...it was kinda weird. But then Xtreme said that he liked me too.
Conclusion;
All ends well. (=
Je suis tres contente.
Tres...

"It was a story d'amour..."
from a song.

News!

2006-06-06T18:31:00.000-04:00

Well, not literal news, but news enough m'dear Grasshoppers (=

I broke up with Hara...he was a jerk anyway...even if he was sweet, but that's besides the point.

Scenario.//The Break-up

me: so...i don't think it's working out...you seem like you're kinda avoiding me.
him: ....so what now?
me: a] do something about it
b] it's over.
him: meh, w.e

.//end

And so another event happend...It was rather remarkable that I actually went through with this though. I guess good things can happen on 6-6-06 (=

Scenario.//My Sweet Revenge + Something Sweeter Than That
(So apparently Frappy(gr10) said something about 9ers (gr.9's). He said that "9ers were naiive and it would be wrong to do stuff with em'" And I quote from Tash, "She's got more experience than I do...Heck! She's got more experience than some 10ers" And so the story begins...)
(The whole caf + Ex + his and my friends as an audience)

Me: -walks...wait, struts into the Caf and walks up to Frappy, and taps him on the shoulder- Hey. -Kisses on the cheek- So What do you think of 9ers now?
Him: -kinda fazed- Greeat.
Me: Okay. -Walks away drinking her bubble tea.-

.//End

HAHA. MY EX WAS THERE. IT WAS EFFING HALRIOUS COS....apparently he kept looking over at me then at Frappy.

Anime North

2006-05-27T13:39:00.000-04:00

Today I went to Anime North with my friend...Rai. We saw uhm...Chicka preform at the J-star contest. She sings really really good x3. Truly amazing, but like yeah.
Lots of cosplay-ers
and I cosplayed as...GUNNER YUNA!!! -strikes a pose-
x.x I'll post pictures later (=

Grasshoppers and Reasons

2006-05-23T18:24:00.000-04:00

Chez gave her blog the name; Linds
She greets it by saying; Hello Linds

It is time...to give this blog a name, because I feel like it =/
I think...Grasshoppers will serve it justice.

So Grasshoppers,
I think we've got the fact that Josh Tobin is PURE genious because of his parodies.

Anyway;
Going back to my post on April 26,
After being single for 9 hours...then someone asks me out, I say Yes sure. I really didn't think it'd last this long, amazingly it did. It's kinda weird actually...I was planning to split, but I didn't for some reason. I think the reason why I used to break up with people after 1day-2weeks was because of the first experience. It's kinda stupid, but I guess I'm over it now. But yeah, I think most people who break up after a short period of time are because they are impatient, or they don't want to be hurt again.
And right now, impatience is biting. Last weekend on Saturday I went to library with my boyfriend, whom we will call Nanahara or...Hara. We were sitting alone and my aunt walks up and thought we were doing 'stuff'. Now I'm punished and I'm barely allowed to go out, not that I was really allowed to go out to begin with. As result I am caged again when I wish I can fly. Phoey. Then last week Hara was pretty much avoiding me...baka. Il dit, "I'm messed up around exam times..." Bakabakabaka...Mais, il dit, "How do you feel around my friends?" J'ai dit, "I feel kinda awkward...out of place." Il, "Thought so..."
Maybe he does care, maybe he doesn't, but the impatience part is that we haven't really done anything in the past week and well...Life is boring and I want something to happen.
Pfft, yeah, "Patience little grasshopper, patience."
Sadly, I have none.

The Emo Song

2006-05-20T22:20:00.000-04:00

I have recently listened to The Emo Song by Josh Tobin. I'll have you know that Josh Tobin is now my hero because he's just halarious <3

The Emo Song ~ Josh Tobin

“Dear diary, mood apathetic,
My life is spiraling downward
i couldnt get enough money to go to that blood dead romance and suffocate me dry concert, which sucks cos they play some of my favorite songs like "stab my heart because i love u" and "rip apart my soul" and of course, "stabby rip stab stab"
and it doesn’t help that I couldn’t get my hair into that flipping thingy there
like that guy from that band could do, some days”
Im an emo kid non-conforming as can be
You’d be non-conforming too if you looked just like me
I have paint on my nails and makeup on my face
I’m almost emo enough to start shaving my legs
Cause I feel real deep when I’m dressing in drag
I call it freedome of expression, lets just call me a fag
Cause there dudes look like chicks and there chicks look like dykes
Because emo is one step below transvestite.
Stop my breathing and slit my throat
I must be emo
I don’t jump around when I go to shows
I must be emo
Im dark and sensitive with low self esteem
The way I dress makes everyday feel like Halloween
I have no real problems but I like to make believe
I stole my sisters mascara, now im grounded for a week
Sulking and writing poetry are my hobbies
I cant get through a hawthorne heights album without sobbing
Girls keep breaking up with me, its never any fun, they say they already have a pussy, they don’t need another one
Stop my breathing and slit my throat
I must be emo
I don’t jump around when I go to shows
I must be emo
Dye on my hair and polish on my toes
I must be emo
I play guitar and write suicide notes
I must be emo
“My life is just a black abyss, you know, so dark and its suffocating me,
Grabbing ahold of me and tightening its grip
Tighter then a pair of my little sisters jeans
(which look great on me by the way)”
When I get depressed, I cut my wrists in every direction
Hearng songs about getting dumped give me an erection
I write in a live journal and wear thick rimmed glasses
I told my friends I bleed black and cry during classes
You can read me catcher in the rye, and watch me jack off
I wear skin and tight clothes while hating my life
If I said I liked girls I’d only be half right
I look like I’m dead and dress like a homo
I must be emo
Screw x-box I play old-school Nintendo
I must be emo
I like to whine and hit my parentals
I must be emo
Me and my friends all look like clones
I must be eeeeemo
“My parents just don’t get me, you know, they think im gay just because they saw me kiss a guy, well a couple guys but I mean it’s the 2000’s cant 2 or 4 dudes make out with each other without being gay?
I mean chicks dig that kinda thing anyways
I don’t know diary, sometimes I think you’re the only one that gets me, you’re my best friend”

“I feel like tacos”

I want to die...

2006-05-19T16:07:00.000-04:00

But hey, what else is new eh?
eh...pfft.
Anyway...The first 3 weeks were good, in fact...they were great.
This last week though...he's been kinda avoiding me.
And this is what I wrote, it'll soon be part of a song.

;//
I am starting to believe that this is a lie...
And this, my friend, is why I want to die.
.//

And yesterday I jumped in puddles and went with Suteki to the woods <3
She felled down a hill...well, slid. But felled, slid, same diff.
It was tres fun (=

and...some new quotes

"The first step in forgetting, is destroying the evidence."

"You can't spelle slaughter without laughter."

"Men suck;

...MENace,
...MENstrual cramps,
...MENstruation
...MENtal problems,
...MENopause...
Notice a pattern?"

Mississauga Marathon Volunteering

2006-05-14T14:29:00.000-04:00

Was fun, y'know handing out gaterade and water...joy.
Anywho...yeah that's it.
I'll update when more signifigant things happen.
and and and...
il dit, "I need you more than I need oxygen."

x3

ROPSAA and Some Shisha

2006-05-12T20:07:00.000-04:00

ROPSAA stands for Region of Peel Schools Althletics Association...I think >_>;
Anywho, ROPSAA is just a bigass competition and the competition that decides if you are moving onto Regionals or OFSAA or not.

I had to go for track, the 800m, oh joy -_-;. I was first for the first 400m, then I gradually started to die ;_;. If i had kept that pace I probably would've won, but sadly I didn't )=.
Ah well, it was fun anyway, I'll try harder next year ^^;. And, anyway, we had to wear numbers and we were trying to find 666 xD we thought it out very thoroughly. They handed numbers out by alphabetical order of school. I got honered with the number 466.

Shisha, it's this bong type thing with a pipe attatched to it. Way cool. Flavoured tabacky. I got to try apple flavoured au jour d'hui (today). It's actually pretty cool, and I'd like to do it again (=.

And this is the emo song...

2006-05-06T21:29:00.000-04:00

Hello,

So we're starting to write songs for the band, and one of the songs is going to be where everyone writes a very emo verse, then we combine it. How original is that >_>;
Anywho...here's my part, and dare you plagerize I will have you personally executed. (=

And this is the emo song...-toot toot-

So now I'm sitting here upon my bed,
Wishing for a long time now, that I was dead.
I think about what you people say,
An so, press the trigger and in my coffin I will lay...

The gun is loaded, that's one less step
This pain, unbearable, up into my heart it crept.
It sits there now, nesting, tearing me away
Your love, shattering the pain shined like the sun's rays.
All feeling has dissapeared now,
Leaving me so numb...How?

How did this come to be?
How did I not see?
See past the obsticles that lay on the path?
At the end, it was me who had to feel the wrath.
The anxiety bites back, agony screaming, end it,
Press the trigger, then just fucking throw me in the pit.

.//end

And AHH ZOMG!!! ROPSSAA, which stands for Region of Peel S...something, School Athletic Association, track meet on thursday and I'm freaking out because it's competition. And well...800m isn't exactly the easiest o__o;
And and and...all the girls are taller than me and have longer legs and and well...better I guess )=
Oh well, I'll fail and maybe even trip, cos I nearly fell last time x.x

Bye...

Kandinsky

2006-05-05T15:57:00.000-04:00

And so Kyoko is apart of something now, apart of a band. The band is called Kandinsky, named after the russian artist Kandinsky. His art is wondeeful (=
It's abstract and almost whimsical almost. Oh yeah...Kyoko is teh vocalist (=
And now a poem;

The Not So Happy Ending

What am I doing?
Why am I doing what I am?
Why does it hurt inside when I look your way?
Why does it guilt me into thinking I've done wrong?
What is the feeling, that I am feeling?
Is it love or hate?
Or is this something else? Something so indescriable.

I miss the awkwardness silences,
I miss the way you pulled me in for a hug
I miss the feeling of feeling safe in your arms
I knew that almost nothing could hurt me then...almost.

And so I left,
Feeding the illusion to the world, that I am okay,
Giving the feeling that I don't care
That I never cared
Reality hits hard; I am lost
Just so lost
Needing to be found
By you...

to be continued...

blabity blue blah (irrelavent jibberish for the hell of it)

2006-04-28T18:47:00.000-04:00

Oh what joy it is to scream and shout whilst a band is playing on stage. Really, it is so awesome. My friend, whom we will call Yuhi. His band was playing and he sings so good x3. A bunch of us were randomly screaming, "YUHI I WANT TO HAVE YOUR CHILDREN" haha.

So, this week was charity week at my school. We were all brainstorming ideas of how to raise money in our class, oi vay, such chaos. People screaming, I think someone lost their voice. Oh well, overall I don't think the class ended up raising that much money. Maybe I should've gone up with the "Kisses 50 cents" sign...Do you think I would've made money? o_O doubt it.

Right...
and just one more random thought ~
making out is kinda boring...i want some more stuff to happen, maybe some biting? it'd take it out a notch....hmm...-shrugs-
i am afraid that my friend thinks i'm permiscuous (spelling?)

.//rawr

2006-04-26T21:08:00.000-04:00

Whateverr, he was poo anyway.
ANYWAY
track meet today ;_<
damn the wind, damnit. last 200m i thought i was going to fall, literally.
the wind nearly blew me down >_<
so i slowed down, and then 3 girls passed me, and i was like NOOOOOO -attempting to run faster....tires out-
blehh. oh well.
i had a good run..i think
oh and 9.5 hours after breakup, someone asks me out O_o
btw...
it's all for the action.
kyo gave me none, haha...god, i am such a loser.

hey...girls got to have some shmex too y'know..don't call us whores cos guys always want sex too =/

uh...

2006-04-24T16:38:00.000-04:00

good god, it's not like i want to have sex with him O.o
and good god, it's not like i'm going to loose my virginity at fucking 15!
and i broke up with him. he was poo anyway. here's the scenario.

scenario;

me: hi
him: hi
me: uh...can i talk to you for a sec
him: sure
me: uh, so are we even still "going out"
him: with the quotations?
me: -shrug-
him: uh...iunno
me: okay, well then it's not working out
him: okay...
me: -walk away, and doesn't turn back-

.//end

.//EDIT
Just to clarify...YES I AM FINE. i was fucking dancing in the fucking halls when i got into the building.

your thoughts, ci vous plait

2006-04-22T10:11:00.000-04:00

To all my lovelee readers...if there are any >_>;
I just want some thoughts on something.
And that something is cheating.
I'm just interested what others opinions on cheating is, so what are yours?

hmph...

2006-04-20T17:04:00.000-04:00

Track meet yesterday;
800m - 3:08
400m - 1:19
blehhh.
oh and they made me do 400x1
which is 400m relay x_x;
i couldn't hand the baton good enough so we thought we were dq-ed
but we weren't, but that put us in last )=
i'm so sorry ;_<

AND une note pour m'amour, kyo listen, we've been going out for uhh...about a month and a halfish? but anyway, we haven't done much yet. a peck on the cheek here and there an ocasional hug...want to uhh....take it up a notch cos i'm not going to be taken and not be doing anything cos then it's pointless having a boyfriend. you fun sucker o_o

<33

happy 4:20 day (=

.//so...

2006-04-10T21:36:00.000-04:00

Oui, j'aime ecrire les poems. C'est pathetique, non?

Anyway.
Lifeguarding at 5:45-8:00 last monday
My parents forget to come home to drive me, so I walked, not that I don't mind walking because I thoroughly enjoy walking.

Anyway, enough blabbling. I have nothing to do for about half an hour, so I decided to update. And well, I'm bored?
Haha...Oh and Suteki is being set up with a boy O=
-gasp gasp-
It's halarious.
Going to watch a movie soon, Take the Lead.
We're all going to make fun of dancing people, and then drool over the hot ones that can dance better than us =D
It should be an eventful day. If it's interesting enough I'll update when I get back?

Something he doesn't know

2006-04-09T21:17:00.000-04:00

He doesn't know...

He doesn't know that I care.
He doesn't know that I worry.
Worry every night, wondering...
Wondering if he is alive or hurting or even dead.
He said...I felt...
He had once said, “You can fall from the sky; you can fall from a tree.
But, the best way to fall, is in love with me.”Corny...but it meant a lot.
I love him...this feeling...makes me feel warm inside,
Whilst the air around me, cold, making my skin tingle.

Why?

Why does he hurt inside?
Why is depressed and want to commit suicide?
Why doesn't he tell me?
Probably...because he doesn't like me or wants me to care?
Why do I love him?
Why do I question it?

Love?

What is love anyway?
Is it just some useless feeling to decorate our lives?
Is it a worthless feeling, used to make us feel worse?
I hate the feeling...yet I do not want it to drift away.
Qu-est que c'est qui l'amour?
L'amour pour moi c'est une gateau de fromage de fraise.
L'amour c'est surrestime.
Love is over rated....or is it?
Maybe...love was never meant to be?
What is love anyway?

What has the world come to?

The world is a fucked up place.
The media is like the bible that the rest of society follows.
The media...fucks the world up.
The media tells us how we should act, how we should look etc.
Society discriminates, society tells us to shun those who are different.
I hold on to those who are different...
They, are truly the people who matter to me...Mes amis.
They, are my friends, those people who are different, the ones who are shunned.
Publicity is overrated.
The world is overrated.
Life itself, is overrated.
I guess...we all just have to deal, to live with it.

Life

Life, is worthless to me.
Life is not meant to be molded into something.
Life, just live it.
Life, make it yours and let it flow.
Go with the flow.
Don't let obstacles become a dam, blocking your flow.
Flow smoothe like the stream, river, creek.
Life itself, is overrated.
Life, just wasn't meant for me.
I want to die.

Death

Death is a goodbye.
Suicide is running away from life.
Death is like a race.
Suicide is cheating to win this race, the race of life.
If I died, would it matter?
I don't think so.
If I died...
This race is probably the only race I'd win anyway.
So I don't think it matters much anymore.

//note;
this is all one poem...and it means a lot to me...i'll go back to my depression once more. (=

rawr..

2006-04-07T19:01:00.000-04:00

so...the feeling of feeling like shit has gone by with 3 days and still counting.
i'm not going to say why to anyone either...cos that's how i roll.
but obviously i don't roll literally...
pfft. anyway.
my boyfriend, kyo...is a total jerk.
no, i didn't dump him...yet.
lmao and my friends offered to 'kill' him for me x3
but no...i guess...i really do...kinda like him...even if he is a total jerk.

Attention...

2006-03-29T20:11:00.000-05:00

ATTENTION PLEASE...NOTE TO ALL PASSENGERS;
WE ARE NOW OUT OF TOFU IN THE DINING BUNKER
WE URGE THE PUBLIC NOT TO PANIC, THIS IS A RECORDING...-beep-

ZOMG! -panics-

random, yes.
insider joke, yes.
i will now go back to watching America's Next Top Model

Oh lala...

2006-03-28T20:52:00.000-05:00

The stars are out...so let us stare upon their bright shinyness.......Oh wait...airplane.

Anyway, I've really got nothing much more interesting to say because I'm idea-less at the moment.

And today's french slang;
Mec - boy...in french slang, equivilent to dude or something like that
Nana - girl...in french slang, equivilent to chick or something along the lines.

Thusfore;
Oh lala, c'est un beau mec.
Oh lala, it's a hot boy.
etc. etc.

Uh...so.

2006-03-28T19:40:00.000-05:00

Well, that was unbelievably halarious, oh she's so great.
Scenario involving;
a boy, whom we will call Kyo (my boyfriend)
our friend, whom we will call Hyper
and moi, Kyoko

Scenario;
Kyo: Well, I gotta go and catch the bus, bye guys. A hug?
Kyoko: -hugs-
Hyper: What about my huggg?
Kyo: -gives Hyper an akward hug and leaves-
...after he leaves.
Hyper: -nudge nudge- Heyyyyyy, I think he likes you!
Kyoko: ...Well...I would assume so, we're going out. o__o;;
//End

Probably the best reaction I've gotten all week...but then there were these two guys that Kyo told that we were going out...They didn't believe him, strangely enough, so I was forced to clarify with them.
Note: forced. there was no option.

I'm oh-so graceful...ha

2006-03-27T16:58:00.000-05:00

Yeah...so I'm walking with my friend, whom we will call by her pen name; Suteki.
We are walking and I happen to be oh-so graceful and trip and fall over a stupid curb.
I wish I could be normal and not trip over curbs...and dust....and rocks...and atoms o_O;;.
Yes, who would've thought it was possible, but sadly, it is. And somehow I manage to skateboard without falling...how I look forward to the day I will wipeout on a ramp...when I actually go on one -__-;;.